Why Feeling Miserable Is Easier Than Being Happy

Frustration, worry, anger, pandemic stress — we see these emotions everywhere nowadays. Happiness is rare and misery abounds. Whether you turn on the TV or look at online news, message is the same — we are not doing well. We absorb stress from all around us whether it be family, friends, or coworkers. There is a light at the end of this long tunnel, but it seems far away right now. In a few months’ time it will be a year during which life for everyone was not normal. When the pandemic restrictions started in United States back in March it was supposed to be for a few months if not weeks. I distinctly remember feeling sorry for the plight of Italians where the initial surge of COVID-19 caused widespread fatalities. We thought it to be a result

Misery is more contagious than happiness

of poor planning, non-adherence to safety protocols and general denial about the severity of pandemic. This could never happen in the United States! or so we thought. People for the most part believe what the government tells them. Unfortunately, the initial messaging was not very clear and created widespread confusion.

Misery is contagious, so is happiness. But misery spreads much faster- why is that? The answer may lie in our brain chemistry. Research has shown that negative emotions transmit more rapidly when compared with positive ones. It comes down from our evolutionary past when such awareness of other people’s emotions (fear, pain, and hate) were linked directly to survival. Successfully deciphering other’s fear, pain and disgust meant difference between survival or otherwise in those times. Fortunately, we do not have to worry about dangerous predators today, yet these natural instincts help us navigate perilous situations, conflicts or even social interactions nowadays.

Our minds and moods can be infected through social networks and online environments

Empathy plays a big part in who is more vulnerable to this contagious effect than others. Studies by researchers have shown that people with higher degree of empathy (emotional quotient) are more susceptible to be influenced by emotions of those around them. R William Doherty (Professor and founder of Braver Angels) has postulated that introverts are more likely to be affected by others’ positive emotions while extroverts tend to be more affected by others’ negative emotional expressions (or misery).

On an evolutionary level it is natural that humans will be more fearful of something bad happening that affects their survival than anything positive. Our mind’s response to bad vibes from others is heightened as it very likely triggers primitive survival responses in us. The fear response starts in the region of the brain called amygdala. It activates whenever we see a human face with an emotion. This reaction in the amygdala is more pronounced with emotions of anger and fear. It alerts the nervous system, which sets the body’s fear/anxiety response into motion. Stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline are released and cause the blood pressure and heart rate to increase.

Emotional Contagion causes the transfer of emotions from one person to another

These mood-altering chemicals are produced naturally by our bodies depending on environment and circumstances that we encounter on a daily basis. It is easy to ascertain that we are not living in happier times almost anywhere in the world. Emotions are contagious and can spread like a cold. Researchers have dubbed this phenomenon as emotional contagion (EC), in which one person’s emotions transfer to another. It includes all kinds of emotions from angry, sad, fearful to happy, joyful, and content. Imagine interacting with your spouse, friend, or coworker in a bad mood — that negativity seeps into you and you may unknowingly begin to feel unhappy as well.

The solution then seems easy — just surround yourself or be with happy people and abstain from delving into negative news and situations. “Just as some diseases are contagious, we have found that many emotions can pulse through social networks”, as described by noted sociologist Nicholas Christakis in a Yale School of Medicine interview. Our minds and moods can be infected through social networks and online environments. He emphasizes that in another must read article titled ‘The More You Use Facebook, the Worse You Feel’. The title is self-evident :)

Even online investment firms like Fidelity have a ‘Social Sentiment’ metric for each stock using data from Twitter to measure public attitudes about a company. Needless to say, a negative sentiment can go viral pretty quickly diminishing a promising stock. Studies have shown repeatedly that positive news lift few stocks while a negative sentiment or news alert can tank whole sectors in a single day.

Misery comes naturally while you must cultivate happiness painstakingly. According to Dr. Vanessa Buote in a Harvard Business Review article , ‘One of the misconceptions about happiness is being cheerful, joyous and content all the time; always having a smile on your face. It's not — being happy and leading rich lives is about taking the good with the bad and learning how to reframe the bad’. It is easier to linger on toxic thoughts or situations and we may ruminate, play the blame game and absorb stress from people or events around us but long term patterns of worrying and repetitive negative thinking are associated with cognitive decline and Alzheimer’s disease.

There are a few proven methods that can help break out of feeling miserable all the time and embracing happiness.

Gratitude and Kindness

Practice gratitude and kindness consistently. These actions make us happier, reduce our stress and helps us reach any goals we set out for ourselves. Helping others is a great way to feel better about yourself. Project your focus outward towards others not inward. Sadness makes you focus on yourself (inward)- change it. Performing simple acts of kindness (holding the door open, complimenting someone, or even smiling at someone) during the day is a great way to feel happiness that stays with you for a long time.

Expressing gratitude for what you have on a daily basis and appreciating the loved ones in your life who are important to you are very simple yet powerful actions that will always put you in a more happy place.

Acceptance

Accept the things in your life that you possibly cannot change and stop being miserable about those. Be content and acknowledge the reality of your situation. Find joy and peace in your life as it is. There is an inherent truth in what Mark Manson says in his book (The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fu*k);

‘We don’t always control what happens to us. But we always control how we interpret what happens to us, as well as how we respond”.

Avoid Negativity and Manage Your Energy

Everyone is undergoing a barrage of information that you may or may not want to ingest. The choice is yours. You can very well choose what you read, the media you consume, and the company of people you want to spend time with. Lay off your digital devices for at least a few hours each day (horror!) and instead spend time with your family, go out on a short walk or even call some friend and chat aimlessly. These simple things work wonders in relieving stress and block negativity from getting inside your mind from various sources.

Christine Porath (Georgetown University Professor of Management) is right on point when she says, ‘Don’t get sucked into analyzing past failures or hijacked by future fears or thoughts. Take one play at a time.’

Also at the risk of harping on an old theme — exercise!
Hope Molecules get pumped into our body during exercise that do wonders for our mental and physical health.

It is not possible entirely to stem the flow of negativity or misery into our own lives, especially right now but at least try. If you do try, then not only will you be better off because of your choices but those around you will too.